Monday, April 30, 2007

The power of words

I was looking at another blog and was astounded at some
of the negative comments people leave for others:

I remember reading something not long ago that said:
"Choose your words carefully! They can have the power to lift
others right up and the power to pull them right down"!

I'm sure those of you that have kids old enough, like myself, have taught
them about name calling and the 'sticks and stones' metaphor
and how to just move away from someone if they aren't the
company that they wish to keep!
But how many of us are living by what we are teaching our kids??

This is a metaphor I heard that I think we can all learn from....
Buddha is renowned for responding to evil with good.
A man heard about Buddha and what he stood for and decided
that he would try his hardest and put Buddha to the test.
Whilst in Buddha's presence this man verbally insults him
over and over again, to which Buddha remains unmoved.
Buddha then say's to the man " Can I ask you a question?" the
man said "What?"
Buddha said " If someone gives someone a gift
and they choose not to accept that gift , who does it then
belong to?" the man responded with "Well of course the person
who first tried to give the gift" Buddha said " That is right,
so if I reject your insults and abuse , does it not then
belong to you?"

Something we probably already know, but put in black and white
can be a real reminder.

I think we only take on board others negative opinions of us
if we doubt that part of ourselves to begin with. Where we
have certainty in us there is no desire to try and convince
anyone of anything or justify to them , it just is the way it
is.
Usually when someone is putting someone else down or trying to
make them look insignificant its because they are feeling
insignificant about something themselves.
So maybe when we feel the need to insult people we should
really be taking a look at our own life to see what's missing
in it and work on what we need to improve on our self.
If we are honest with ourselves every single one of us have
issues in our life and making our way through it can be
hard enough as it is sometimes, so if we can not contribute positively
or say something constructive we would be
better off just staying away and saying nothing at all.

17 comments:

Sue xx said...

That is well said by Budha! In reality though when you keep getting nasty things said about you it's a bit hard to ignore. Chin up!
Sue xx

Rachael said...

Thanks for your comment Sue, no doubt it would be hard if that was the case, I don't know all the details and am under no illusion that the other party is completely innocent, but there is constructive critisism,which some had left with no ill intent and then there were just plain nasty insults, and if we all justify our wrong doings because of others, then none of us are responsible for anything we do.
xxRach

Rachael said...

..just wanted to add that we are all responsible for our own actions regardless of what others say, that goes for all concerned, but the comments made about her child were just wrong!!
That was what upset me.

Vanessa x said...

I love that phrase from Buddha and am ashamed to say I am guilty of both ~ giving the nastiness and letting other's nastiness affect me. I think, at some stage of our lives, most are guilty of that.

As for the comments about my gorgeous daughter, don't worry about those Rachael. In all honesty, they didn't affect me at all (this time). There are some women who are simply envious of the relationship I have with Kara ~ there just isn't any other explanation for them bringing her into it (apart, of course, from them thinking it would make me feel ever worse ~ what does that say about them?).

If there is one thing I am proud of, it's the way I raise my daughter. Nobody will ever make me doubt that again.

Love you xxxx

Anonymous said...

Hi ,stumbled across your blog through another, well put!
We are quick to open our mouths before our minds.
To the first comment, curious to know what advice she would give her kids if they found it hard to ignore things said to them?

Vanessa x said...

I will answer that for you Liz!!

I tell my child to ignore any nastiness directed her way and to walk away ~ find people that love and respect you for what YOU are.

Fortunately my girl is a 'bigger' person than me and listens to that advice.

For the record ~ I didn't listen to the nastiness this time.... I am guilty of that in the past but not any more. Unfortunately, there are sure to be others that will listen but if they choose to judge me on what they hear, rather than how I treat THEM, I have no control over that.

Rachael said...

I started my blog to share my family and thoughts with others. I love my sister and her daughter but I have no intentions of fighting her battles that I know nothing about and don't want to know about. The reason for this post was to create a bit of awareness about the comments that we ALL leave and if they aren't constructive why leave them?
Not to say I don't appreciate peoples thoughts and opinions.
I just don't appreciate any nastiness directed at anyone in particular.

However I am in defence of my little neice who has absolutely nothing to do with everyone elses issues with my sister. My intent is not to buy into this slanging match so if anyone has any negative comments about my sister or anyone else for that matter I would appreciate it it they didn't post them on my blog.

p.s. thanks for the opinions and the nice words left for me though.
(there always welcome lol)

Anonymous said...

This post has definitely made me think about a lot, and I thank you for that Rachel.
But I really am trying to give constructive criticism here, Liz made a very valid comment and directed it at Sue, but Vanessa felt the need to respond to it. Vanessa with all due respect you may want to ask your self why? I wish you happiness Vanessa.
xx

Vanessa x said...

Hi Anon,

Sorry about that. I responded as I knew Sue was refering to ME when she said it's a bit hard to ignore when the nastiness is constant. The question was ~ "To the first comment, curious to know what advice she would give her kids if they found it hard to ignore things said to THEM?" I suppose I felt I am in a better position to answer what I would say to my daughter than Sue.

I hope that makes sense.

Vanessa xx

Anonymous said...

that was a question for Sue - I'm assuming she finds it hard to ignore nasty things said to her and I wondered what advice she would give her kids if nasty things were said to them!

Vanessa x said...

OK Liz ~ I misinterpreted the question and made a mistake.

Anonymous said...

Great post!

Sue xx said...

Rachael
Your blog is great and I love looking at all the pics. I've only just found it thorugh Vanessa's but will be a regular visitor.
Maybe I didn't make my self clear enough in my first post. Buddha is smart hey :) I wish we could all be as pure :) Totally agree with him. I always go back to when my sisters husband had an affair on her. I wanted to cut the crotch out of all his pants or make his life a misery. He hurt my sister and I wanted revenge. It was my sister that was the better person and said she If she got revenge then she said everyone will remember what she did not what he did. "She was the better person" She walked away and could ignore what was happening, which is kind of what Buddha is saying I think.

So back to you Rachael yes I agree with Buddha but personally I would find it very upsetting to have so many nasty things said about me. Not taking sides and it wasn't necessarily a comment about Vanessa. A comment about Buddha's comment :)
Liz I am sure like most other parents I try and teach my children the skills to deal with bullies. This is what we call them in schools. In fact my school runs a program with dealing with issues like this. But in reality some things are going to hurt, we are all human and we all have feelings. But in saying that I am not sure what my children have to do with my comment.
Sue xx

Rachael said...

Hi Sue, Generally speaking, I totally agree with you that it can be really hard not to react the way we want to sometimes. Problem is the exchange of comments get nastier and nastier and eveyone loses.
I admire your sister for having such strong focus's hope she is doing ok now.
xx

Sue xx said...

Exactly and that is why I wasn't specifically talking about the situation just the overall Buddah idea :) I agree about the bickering!

My sis is now with a lovely man and they have a son together so she is the one that won in the situation. They are getting married next year and I am soo excited for her!
Sue xx

Shayne Hope said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shayne Hope said...

Hi Racheal

Sorry I stuffed up my last comment and deleted. Thanks for visiting my blog.

I love Budha and his philosophy.

I don't being nasty. I loke to use my energy for good not evil!LOL!

We all make mistakes though and I did read all the comments left on your sister's blog as I am a sticky beak and was totally blown away. I am glad she deleted it.

Looking forward to reading your blog.

Shayne
Wollongong